I was scared, running
from whatever that it was chasing me.
Exiled: I felt an emptiness.
You helped me with a place to lay my head.
I drove my car deep into the hills and parked at the peak,
clothing in hand toward the thought of you (nothing else).
An empty house we filled with drawings, sourdough bread, marijuana smoke was happy.
The first night I feared sleep;
I hadn't slept in 3 weeks
and I hadn't been right in 2 months.
I wanted only to by your side,
To help dream your dreams.
We approached the bed frame,
crawled onto the mattress
and I undressed.
I'm glad you did too.
I slept with no left over dreams of Isaac,
no nightmares of my emptiness;
I never awoke in fact.
You stood in the morning's light dreaming (of the girl in your bed) with a fog around your head.
That's when you asked me, February 14th, for a Valentine's kiss,
and I obliged
and you crawled over my body,
over my face
and a pair of smokey broken lips touched mine.
I wished it weren't so.
Again we tried, frustrated you became.
The light against your shoulders was shimmering.
Your spine was a thread of pearls I reached out to grab.
You smoked every day.
I had waited,
sometimes stayed in bed all day waiting
(I think you liked coming home to my laying face)
In the peak of the night,
You grasped me and held tight in your arms (a nightmare).
I laid still and fell asleep that way...
I miss it all:
The terrific desire.
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