11.10.2009 I miss you Most totally when the world turn winterly. When I get the flu I remember the gas fire that burnt me through the blanket with intensity. And getting chills... I ache now. I need you to hold my hands now. I told you you're the only one, I party meant it. I can't trust myself in that matter, of you. Your mother's dumpling soup the broken windshield wipers on your car, your grandmother's couch, hot showers, Tinkham road, love. I do this every time, and I told you I wasn't ready too, and I meant it. But I'll get you in someone else and try not to fall in love like an idiot and hurt another heart. “You get bored too quickly.” “So you'll always be alone?” I can't remember the last time I was alone, other than right now... Goddammit, my eyes hurt, my back, my lungs my head is whirling. Maybe I'll find someone else if I stop looking. Insomnia, recklessness, torture.