11.17.2009 My phone's battery has been low for at least three days now and I just noticed, as I plugged a charging end into the bottom of it, that I ached a little. I didn't bother looking for it; I was out of my right mind all night looking for them, scatterbrained hanging out of a car window, hoarse-voiced wearing a thin dress in mid-November. My blood was warm enough from worry then anger that curdled it.
We ran her car down to “E” finding them. And I said “They always just show up eventually” and I repeated it all night, even after we found them.
Thin legs with tender soles taunted the road before them where they had been lifted from. Her jaw laid open as he touched her “She just died a moment ago” Pain did seer terribly. My heart ached and I gripped at my chest hoping to cut off the poison the site secreted.
Blood on her lips was a movie's soldier coughing up himself in his last breath. A wound on her chest was a memory on the stairs, tired from a run and a sticker bush barreled-through.
I caught myself screaming in the passenger seat; I stayed in the car and watched him lift the blanket and cover his mouth and turn away and he said all night that was the saddest thing he'd ever seen.
I talked to her while we waited, laughed a little at her, how stupid told her how good looking she was, then I felt sick and I had to stop.
Laughter was my abuello's funeral: my sister and I ate candy in Abuellita's kitchen and my mother was furious.
We saw her sister walking along the roadside, she stood shivering, crying eyes, eager into my arms. I talked to her the way back, she watched to road.
I left the house that night, for fear of it and drove into the city and laid tightly woven into his arms. Many tears left me during the course, and still I lay in a strange state: my mind wrapped around reality, replaying the darkest images to wear out the hurt. My heart unwilling to see them; she entertains a dull ache.
posted by Tazarat @ 9:37 PM
